The Window

“Oh, Charlie, what have you managed to get yourself into this time?” I thought to myself, rolling my thousands of eyes. I had a horrible sense of direction, and I really wished the Queen would reassign me. Perhaps my black and yellow butt could be of more use if I didn’t leave the hive every day.

Only an hour previous, the Queen had sent me out to mine pollen, and here I was lost, as usual. Somehow I had managed to find the rosebush and gathered two handfuls of gold, which I was gripping tightly as I buzzed around this unfamiliar environment. I must have taken a wrong turn at the bird feeder.

Nothing looked familiar. I looked around, accessing my situation and that’s when I noticed the giant.

There was a two-legged animal of some sort that seemed very frightened of me as I buzzed by. I guessed it was a female since she was holding a smaller version of herself in her forearms as she squealed and ran away from me. There was a smaller four-legged furry animal watching me curiously from the ground, licking its chops with a huge pink tongue.

There, I could see the rosebush. I turned in its direction and, BAM! There appeared to be some sort of invisible force field between the rosebush and myself. I tried again, slower this time, with the same result. Reluctantly, I dropped one handful of gold and reached my other hand out to feel this strange clear barrier. I ran my hand up and down it, all the way to the bottom, curious to see how big it was.

“Hisss….”

Oh no! The sound had come from the foreboding hole at the bottom corner of this clear barrier. I had gotten too close. I started to back away but it was too late.

A furious tornado of legs and fur launched out of the hole toward me. Without thinking, I dropped the other handful of gold and immediately began to defend myself.

The spider came at me again, but this time I was ready for her. With a good left jab I knocked her back into her hole just long enough that I could buzz away, reluctantly leaving my gold behind.

I felt a gust of wind at my back. What now?

I turned and the two-legged giant I had seen before had returned and was waving a long rectangular object in my direction which was producing a gust of wind. Another gust knocked me away, spinning through the air. The giant was saying words that I didn’t recognize. I regained my composure and tried to focus my eyes. There it was, I could see the rosebush again! If I could just make it to the rosebush I could find my way back to the hive.

I closed my eyes and aimed myself in the general direction of the rosebush. Another gust of wind came at my back and as I opened my eyes, I was headed straight for a beautiful red petal. I made it!

From here, it would be a quick flight back to the hive. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much gold left to gather, and the Queen would be angry for sure. Perhaps I would talk to her again about switching positions.

Tracking Unicorns

“You’re chasing rainbows”
Is what they would say
When they would go forward
And I’d go my way.

“You’re tracking unicorns”
They’d tease me in jest.
And snicker behind me
As if they knew best.

“Your head’s in the clouds”
I’ve heard it before
Whenever I’ve opened
An imaginary door.

“Just stop dreaming,
And decide what to be.
You’ll never make it,
Can’t you just see?”

“Be serious, calm down,”
They tried to discourage
But I never listened,
And that’s why I flourish!

What People Say Vs. What They Think

Why is it that people say one thing when they really mean something else? Why would someone say an unsolicited “I’m happy for you,” when they really aren’t? Is it because we are conditioned to act a certain way; that we should believe and accept certain things because they are considered “good” rather or not they really are “good”?

Pretend you have a friend that is fast on her way to becoming a serious workaholic. When she gets promoted at work do you tell her that you are happy for her because you know that’s the right thing to say, or do you tell her that you think that she already has too much on her plate? If you tell her the truth you risk her wrath (or cold shoulder), but if you don’t, you will risk loosing that part of yourself that screams from within for you to TELL THE TRUTH. With every lipservice, that part gets shoved further and further back into the storage closet of our minds/hearts and before we know it we’re walking around like robots saying “That’s nice, I’m so happy for you,” nodding our heads and smiling, instead of gently telling them that you think they bit off more than they can chew.

Years down the road, while recounting your life with your friend one night at a bar, you may finally confess that you didn’t think they should have taken that job. And, they will look at you with weak, weary eyes and tell you that they wished that you would have talked them out of it.

How to Deal with People that Drive You Insane

SURRENDER

S – Seek shelter. Shelter in the form of a friend, family member or colleague that doesn’t eat your soul.

U – “Unlearn What You Have Learned.” – Yoda. Who says you have to be nice to everyone?

R – Resist. Resist the urge to play their game right back at them. Although temporarily fun, this tactic will always backfire on you. Always.

R – Respect your intuition. Listen to your heart when it is telling you that someone is not quite right in the noggin.

E – Establish firm boundaries. Moats, tar pits, flypaper, whatever is near and handy.

N – Never back down. Don’t let them take your soul. Fight.

D – Don’t try sarcasm. They won’t get it. Ever.

E – Eat your cake, Damnit! Who says you can’t eat the piece of cake in front of you? And, don’t let them make you feel guilty about it.

R – Remember. The best weapon you have against soul eaters is a good memory. That way, when they pull out their bag of tricks, you already know what’s in it and can shut it down before the rabbit even sticks one ear out!

Oh, the HORROR!

Top 10 signs the horror movie you just rented is going to be stupid (in no particular order):

1. It has a washed up actor/actress in it. (Christian Slater should be a red flag!)

2. It has an overly fancy cover, sometimes with metallic accents.

3. It came out of Hollywood in the past 5 years.

4. You’ve never heard of it.

5. It has a pentagram on the cover.

6. The title is in a digital font.

7. There are no review quotes or “star ratings” on the cover.

8. The blood is bright, bright red, and there is a buttload of it.

9. There is a car chase, slow motion fist fight or machine gun firing frenzy in the first 5 minutes (or all three!), with accompanying techno music.

10. You rented it from the library because it was free.